I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying
BRIDGETTE W. GOTTWALD, LPC, NCC
I’m not crying, you’re crying…it’s the perfect sarcastic example of projection that people use in social situations when they don’t want to admit that they’re crying. So, they divert attention to someone else and accuse the other person of crying instead. We do this because history and Western stereotypes have created a negative stigma with crying – weakness, fragility, and being over-emotional. In fact, Charles Darwin had originally declared emotional tears as “purposeless.” Science proves that this is far from the truth and that there is an actual purpose for crying as a human release of emotions and the extraction of hormones. Throughout childhood and adolescence, emotional tears are often triggered by physical pain but as we age, emotional tears can be triggered by many other factors, such as “physical pain; attachment-related pain; empathic, compassionate pain; societal pain and sentimental or moral feelings.”
Sometimes We Cry
Humans have three distinct types of tears: basal tears, reflex tears, and emotional tears. Research provides that emotional tears are specific to human beings. These emotional tears that we experience happen due to biological, social, and psychological factors. Often, the human body and brain struggle to distinguish between profound sadness and overpowering happiness. The body produces stress-hormones as a preparatory measure to be able to deal with the natural fight-or-flight response. Tears release hormones such as cortisol, manganese, adrenocorticotrophic hormones, prolactin, and leucine encephalin (which is a painkiller). If cortisol levels get too high or heightened, people can experience physical ailments and struggle with mood swings. Many of us know that typically, an overflowing of tears follows up intense stress, happiness, or sadness, and our bodies are able to “feel a sense of calm” afterward as a natural hormonal release.
But Onions Make Me Cry…
Scientific research supports this as studies have been done to compare and contrast emotional tears and tears that come from an external stimulus, such as slicing onions. The “chemical composition” of fake tears versus real tears differs completely. When onions are sliced a chemical irritant is produced and it stimulates the glands within the eyes so that they release tears. When cutting an onion, its cells break open, which causes two normally separated substances to combine. We subconsciously stabilize our emotions and chemical levels by releasing stress chemicals from the tear ducts. Thus, it does make sense that onions make us cry – they have layers, just like us!
Tears and Vulnerability
Typically, tears are a communicator of a person experiencing deep emotion and prove that the person’s response to a situation is authentic. According to Dr. Oren Hasson, an evolutionary psychologist, tears are a scientific symbol of being submissive to an attacker. When a human’s vision becomes blurred by tears themselves, their ability to behave aggressively diminishes. In order to be vulnerable, we have to let our guards down. In doing this, we can enhance feelings of sympathy and unity with others. Vulnerability gives people the ability to relate to others and not feel so alone in their experience of this world. Scientifically, the expression of emotion can “boost a sense of bonding and attachment.” According to Brené Brown, vulnerability is not about winning or losing, it’s not about weakness, it’s about having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome. If you can’t be seen, you can’t experience love, joy, and intimacy.” Tears bring about “social mediation” and allow people to respond to others with sympathy. So, let yourself be seen, shed a few tears, and get rid of those toxic stress hormones.
References:
Whitney, D. (2018). The Science of Tears. Psych Central. Retrieved from: https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-science-of-tears/
Mukamal, R. (2017). All About Emotional Tears. American Academy of Ophthalmology. Retrieved from: https://www.aao.org/eye-health/tips-prevention/all-about-emotional-tears