Decisions, Decisions: Love or Fear?
BRIDGETTE W. GOTTWALD, LPC, NCC
“Should I stay or should I go? Should I speak or stay silent? Should I risk it or back away?”
Did you know that most of our decisions are driven by either love or fear? Thus, these two four-letter words entirely drive your behavior and what you choose to do. Which one are you going to give the microphone to? When it comes to fear, we need to remind ourselves that this emotion has many faces and there are usually a lot of other emotions beneath that surface level and what’s initially showing up.
Love Says We Are Free to Do More Than We Think
If we find ourselves putting others before us, serving in secret or when no one is watching, or loving without an agenda, then more likely than not, that’s love doing the talking. Love empowers us, while also gets us to take more risks. A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing grows there. Also, if we want to be successful in life, we have to get comfortable with taking risks – both big and small. When things work out the way we want them to, that’s what makes the result so rewarding – a risk worth taking!
Love
When joy is a habit, love is a reflex. Our bodies can act without a conscious awareness signal and our spirits work the same way. To fully understand this, this example might help. Think about a guy who falls head over heels in love with someone. They have a scheduled date and the other person is forty-five minutes late. Instead of reacting to this in anger, the person would likely just be thrilled that they showed up and for the opportunity to spend time together.
F-E-A-R
Fear has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise.
The choice is yours. Naturally, we are hardwired to move towards pleasure and away from pain. But sometimes we have to face the tough stuff.
What’s the Trick?
So how do I figure this out in the heat of the moment? Well, the key is to be able to decipher the difference between the two. Is it love or fear we are acting from? Once we distinguish this, it’s easier to figure out what your next move should be. Also, it’s important to realize that often fear gets in the way of your loving others.
How Do I Make More Space in My Life for Love?
All we leave behind in this life is love, and our legacy is carried on amidst the people that we loved. According to Bob Goff, “it’s easy to get so buried under responsibilities that we lose sight of who we’ve become.” So, maybe it might be worthwhile to quit something that wasn’t made for you in the first place. Once you do this, it will free you up with much more time and space for other things that are meant for you, and as result, you will have more time to focus on love, as opposed to fear. Quit things that have been holding you back, that take up too much time, and no longer inspire you.
The Biology of Fear
Fear can be useful and it’s fear to thank for the evolution of our own species. To stay in check with our fear, we want to make sure that it’s fully necessary and functional. If it’s not, it may end up holding us back from opportunities to love, grow, learn, or improve. Next time you start feeling those body sensations and get a feeling of the stimulus-response of fight or flight coming in, see if you’re able to decipher and make a conscious decision, instead of letting your subconscious brain wire you for protection when it might not be fully necessary.
Reference
Goff, B. (2019). Live in Grace, Walk in Love. Nashville, Tennessee. Nelson Books.