Singledom: Why Do I Feel Like I Need to be in a Relationship to be Happy?
BRIDGETTE W. GOTTWALD, LPC, NCC
It’s crucial to remember that your relationship with yourself is the most important connection you will have in your life. Given this, the way you treat yourself and feel about yourself should bring you up as opposed to down. These days, especially amidst 2020 and the global pandemic, it’s particularly hard to meet people. Many people often find themselves feeling as if the lack of a romantic relationship is the only thing that’s keeping them from being happy. Perhaps, this wouldn’t be the case if we viewed things from a different perspective.
The Value of Spending Time Alone
Spending time alone can be scary at first, but it allows us to get to know and understand ourselves better. You are a whole person by yourself and do not need another “half” to be or feel complete.
Being Lonely Doesn’t Mean You’re Unhappy
The media and pop culture teach us that the key to happiness is falling in love and finding a lifelong partner. Society wants and expects us to go to school, make good grades, get a job, find everlasting love, get married, get a house, and create a family. This “white picket fence” standard is not realistic and everyone’s story looks different. A key part of being single is accepting it as a time to work on yourself and learn how to independently bring yourself happiness without relying on external sources.
Work on Yourself
So, you have more free time than you’d like…what a perfect opportunity to work on yourself. Need some ideas? Check out the following suggestions:
Hit the gym
Grow your friendships
Lean on friends and family
Learn how to date yourself and become comfortable doing things independently
Go to therapy to break unhealthy patterns and cycles
Take advantage of your time and use it to learn – listen to podcasts, read books, learn new hobbies, etc.
But Everyone Else Is in a Relationship…
Are they? Or are you comparing someone’s highlight reel to areas of your life that you wish were different? According to the Washington Post, data shows that more than half (51%) of young people in America (between the ages of eighteen to thirty-four) don’t have a romantic partner. So, it’s not just you. “Singledom” is at a “record high” amidst the overall public, it’s just not as advertised or discussed.
Happiness Comes from Within, Not from Without
To facilitate a healthy relationship, you must develop a strong sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and self-love. After all, you cannot fully and wholeheartedly love anyone else until you fully love and accept yourself first. It takes two to tango, and your other half must establish these interpersonal things as well. Once this strong foundation is established, you will have more to build upon and share with another person.
Recent trends share that “there has been an increase in the share of adults under thirty-five who didn’t live with a spouse or partner over that period, from 56% to 61%. This state of singledom isn’t the only trend that has been steadily increasing over the years. Additionally, women are typically having “fewer children, and they are having them later in life” than before. The median age of first marriage has been increasing and many that aren’t married and never have been stated that they simply “haven’t found the right person” (Guskin, E, 2019).
Never forget that you are enough, and the right person that you deserve is out there. Once you find this person, hopefully, it will be worth the wait and you will present them with the best version of yourself!
References:
Jalili, C. (2018). You don’t need a relationship to be happy. Retrieved from: https://www.elitedaily.com/p/you-dont-need-a-relationship-to-be-happy-12-women-reveal-how-they-learned-to-be-happily-single-13109308
Guskin, E. (2019). It’s not just you: New data shows more than half of young people in America don’t have a romantic partner. Retrieved from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/03/21/its-not-just-you-new-data-shows-more-than-half-young-people-america-dont-have-romantic-partner/